Teaching Puppy New Tricks

Oh what fun!
The house was about to throw out this box but then the big black dog showed me how to destroy things. Just what a little puppy needs to know. You have to learn from your elders, I've never seen such destruction, how can I use this knowledge and when will I get those wonderful big teeth.
It was raining on our walk this morning, damp puppy time! I need a coat. Didn't mind the wet drops too much but it's when you run through the long grass and if you're only little all the wet leaves go everywhere, my tummy's wet and other parts, not nice! All the sticks are soft and chewy, I like them crisp, although not keen when I get bits between my teeth!
Then when we got home I was held until I had the towel treatment first. How long does this rainy time last and where has the sun gone?
It's difficult for a puppy to play in the garden because everything is damp and wet and I get cold, so I came indoors. But it just seems as though everyone is watching me today, what do they think I am going to do? I took a nap.
After lunch they got the hoover out, I really hate that monster. One day when it's not looking I'm going to get it, have to attack from behind mind you because it always sees me coming and always gives me this horrible look. I can hear it saying "I eat Puppies and I'm going to eat you" so I usually run past very very fast. It hasn't got me yet.
Oh No, now they are going to wash the floors, what's the point? It's already wet outside and they want to make it wet inside, stupid. It's totally crazy because they expect me to sit on my blanket till the floor's dry and we all know how long I can sit still for......2 seconds that's it gotta move, gotta run..............arghhhhhhhh....always happens my puppy paws just slip all the way across the floor. Actually it's quite funny, think I'll do it again!
I'm bored, oh they made a pile of door mats, just have a little chew on one.
Didn't get very far with that, oh I don't like today, I need my space, it's like living in a bubble, I can't do anything.
So here I sit and watch them, people are so strange the things they do. Now they are taking down everything they have on display, all of it out of puppy reach, (so far), they give it a hug with a yellow cloth and put it back. What a total waste of time and energy, we could be playing indoor football or something!
Oh being stuck in the house what can I do? Tried to go upstairs, they caught me.
I sit again, what's this a puppy treat, for me? What's the catch, not medicine or something is it? They said I was being so very good today, I can have a reward. Oh!
Well that's gone, so if you're good you just might get a reward that lasts say 3 seconds and that's it. Life's too short for that give me puppy trouble any day. Sun please come out....